I’m starting to stress big time, and I want to put a stop to it before it gets crazy. If I only knew how…
So, before yesterday, I was all set to teach 2 Manhattan SAT classes. Tuesday and Thursday scheduled for months, no real issue. They are 4-7pm classes which end before most evening rehearsals and start after most daytime things.
I got a phone call from my supervisor yesterday who really really needs me to teach an ACT class in Riverdale (Just West of the Bronx). I told her that I hadn’t taught ACT in a while and that I would need a refresher and that I was very hesitant to teach the class because it’s so far away that it will suck up an entire day just to get there and back on a Sunday (the trains don’t run as frequently– plus, it’s a substantial walk from the subway at the top of the 1 train in Riverdale to the school).
Anyway, I went in today for my refresher course, and after the session, I told her that I needed to only have two classes, and that she could pick between the Tuesday and the Sunday which one she would rather have me teach because I had conflicts during both the sessions, but I had already committed to two, so I would stick to it.
I have so many things going on, that I can’t afford to make time for three classes and the tutor student that I already have. She picked the Riverdale class on Sundays, which was not easy but workable until I got home. To my utter delight and dismay, I was cast in two separate gigs, both taking place on Sunday afternoons in the coming month and a half. Plus, I had already given one gig up by giving my supervisor the option of picking the class that she wanted me to teach which I promised myself I would never do: trading a performing job (no matter how small) for a money job (no matter how big or how much I love my boss). So I fail.
In attempt to un-fail, I just wrote her an email telling her that I really can’t take the class. I can discuss other classes and other timing, but I need to take the 3 Sunday afternoon gigs over an ACT class in Riverdale. There’s really no question at this point. We’re still 2 weeks out, and she only asked me yesterday, so I’m hoping that she can find a suitable alternate, but I don’t know what will come of it… I feel like such a jerk, but there’s no better answer. If I let it go and teach the class, I’m losing 3 acting jobs in one shot. I can’t do it. I don’t know what I’ll do if she says no.
I’m always afraid that the next schedule conflict is going to be one too many. I never do anything to her last minute, and I always give 135% when I’m working, but I can’t imagine how much stress it is on her to think she has a class staffed and than have to go looking for someone to fill in the holes… I feel like such a jerk.
What I should’ve done was to say no in the first place, knowing that the chances of me needing my Sunday afternoons in the city for a month and a half were pretty good. I just can’t say no to her. She knows exactly what to say to get me to the ‘yes’- and most of the time it’s just because I want to do right by her. She doesn’t call me unless she really needs something, so when she does, I have a hard time saying no.
Who am I kidding. I never say no. New resolution: when I don’t want to do something, say no. AAAAHHHH … stress pot!!! I get stressed the fastest when I feel like I’ve let someone down… Sorry Em’. I’m here to do theater, I gotta do theater… The last thing I ever want to do is make your life harder.
Jenny J Bean
NO! NO. No. no no? yes? January 21, 2010